Warm, Dark Places Are Best Read online

  “Hi fellas.”

  Derek and the boys turned, simultaneously, to look at him, all of them looking guilty, except for Derek. Derek had the poker face, no emotion, and nothing to indicate his activities. He might have been helping an old lady across the street, or bagging dope, or burning roaches with lighters and hairspray. You’d never know, to look at him, in that moment.

  Derek gave a slight nod, in greeting, and Carl continued walking over.

  “Hey, Derek. Guys.” Carl nodded at Derek, and then the other boys. “I need y’all’s opinion on something.”

  Derek cocked an eyebrow, an unconscious show of interest.

  “I need to know if you’ve seen something around the apartment complex, and if so, what you know about them. It’s pretty gnarly, actually. Can y’all take a look at it?”

  Carl held out the gallon baggy, with the giant centipede pieces inside.

  All the boys perked up with recognition at the sight of it, but waited for Derek to speak first.

  “Did you find that in your apartment?” Derek inquired, cool as a cucumber. The boy was a natural at bargaining, Carl thought.

  “Yes, I did Derek. And it was quite the fucking surprise, I’ll tell ya. And…” Carl caught himself getting angry again, and paused briefly, trying to reduce the emotions he visibly expressed. It would only make him appear more desperate and Derek would be keen to capitalize on that, during whatever negotiations, he could feel, were about to begin.

  “And the landlord says he won’t pay to have an exterminator come out to our apartment. So, Derek, I can tell you all know what this is, and it appears you know something pertinent to my current situation. What can you tell me?”

  “Well, first, is this you calling in the debt for the bonus stuff you showed us, or are we going to negotiate here? ‘Cause I just happen to know some important things that you don’t, about your apartment…”

  Derek let that last piece of info just hang in the air.

  “Derek,” Carl said, a big smile plastered across his face, “I thought we were friends…” Carl placed his free hand over his heart, as if the thought of them not being friends pained him.

  “Well, Carl, we’re friendly. This is true. Which also means we can help each other out. How ‘bout that?”

  Carl looked down at the Mafiosi-style kid, and smirked.

  “Alright. So how can I help you out, after you help me out?”

  Derek spit an answer right out.

  “Another pack of lighters and four cans of hairspray.”

  “Deal,” Carl said, without hesitation.

  “Alright then,” Derek grabbed the gallon baggy from Carl’s hand, and held it up. “This, here, is Scolopendra gigantae. Native to Peru, and other parts of South America, particularly within the Amazon Jungle. Now, as to how this big, nasty fucker ended up in your apartment, that requires a little history lesson.” Derek gave a grin, the kind people give when they know something really juicy the other party has no clue about.

  “They didn’t tell you the last person in your apartment died, did they?”

  “What?” Carl’s mouth dropped open, slightly, as the single word toppled out.

  “Yeah. Actually, killed, but, ultimately, that’s not really important to your current dilemma. Anyway, the victim, slash tenant, was this middle-aged Asian guy, who went by the name Kenneth Wong. Weird, nerdy type and a real recluse. Hardly ever came out of the apartment. Did everything online; even had his groceries delivered. And if he needed something in a hurry, he’d pay one of us to go get it for him.”

  Derek indicated himself and the boys.

  “Now, one day, after I went and got a couple items from the hardware store for him, he let me come inside, and ho-ly shit, man!” Derek’s face became more expressive than Carl had seen it so far. “That crazy dude had about twenty fish tanks, with these giant centipedes inside! Several of them had momma centipedes, with a shit ton of kids in different stages of development. Some looked like newborns, and others like decent-sized regular centipedes. If you didn’t know what they were, you wouldn’t realize they had a lot of growing to do. It was sick, though, man! I mean cool and interesting, but nasty as hell, at the same time. He was actually breeding them to sell. He was the supplier for some online store that sold lots of exotic insects to people for pets.”

  Carl felt a little nausea tickling at the bottom of his stomach.

  “Anyway,” Derek continued, “he must have started doing business with some shady, black market types, and screwed someone over, cause two tatted up Asian guys showed up here, late one night, and shot his ass dead. I don’t think even the police know how it went down, exactly, but I was down the hallway, just come out of Ricky’s place, when I saw them go in Mr. Wong’s apartment. They looked sketchy as fuck, so I went down there, and listened outside the door. I heard talking, not sure whether it was Chinese, Korean or Japanese. I don’t know, but I think they were going to take all his centipedes as payment for something, and not just kill him.”

  “What made you think that?” Carl asked.

  “Well, I heard Mr. Wong scream at them, and then the fish tanks started shattering on the floor. One after another, after another. Then it sounded like they were wrestling around, and more tanks got knocked over. One of the guys screamed, and then there were two muffled shots from a handgun. Maybe a silencer, I think. I scrambled down the hall, and ducked into the edge of the stairwell. Right then, Mrs. Janet peeked out her door, holding onto her walker with one hand, and her phone pressed to her ear in the other, talking to the police. Those guys busted out of Mr. Wong’s door, in a hurry. One of them was holding his neck, and clinching a big bag in the other hand. The other guy had a bag as well, and was holding a pistol in the other. The barrel was really long, and he quick shoved it in Mrs. Janet’s face, and told her ‘Bitch! You ain’t seen a thing!”, and then took off.”

  “Wow. Holy shit. What happened next?”

  “Well, before the police could get there, I peeked inside. Mr. Wong was stumbling around, knocking over the rest of the fish tanks. Freeing all the centipedes that the guys hadn’t snatched up. After he finished crashing the last one, he collapsed and stopped breathing. I watched all those ugly bastards crawl off, out of sight, the momma ones carrying their little babies, as they went. By the time the police got there, all they found were empty tanks. They never figured out what was in them before they left or when they came back around later, asking questions. I didn’t tell ‘em shit.”

  “Holy fuck,” Carl spat out, in disgust. “You mean, there’s a shitload of those monsters in my apartment, Derek?”

  “Well, maybe. Hard to say where they went. Whether they all stayed in your place, or went somewhere else. I mean, they like warm, dark places best…oh shit!” Derek exclaimed, an epiphany having struck him, all of a sudden.

  “What?!?” Carl demanded.

  “One of the big water heaters, for the complex, is in between your apartment, and the old man next to you, that’s closest to the stairs. I bet those fuckers are in your walls, all around that water heater, cozy as hell.”

  “You know something strange?” Carl asked Derek.

  “What?” Derek was genuinely interested in what Carl might have to say.

  “We haven’t seen any roaches in our apartment, since we moved in. Not one damn roach.”

  “That makes sense. I bet the centipedes are eating the hell out of them, in your walls, before they ever get to the inside of the apartment. I know Mr. Wong used to let a few of his run around the apartment, and eat any of the roaches that came in.”

  Carl shook his head. “That dude was sick in the head. We were dreading life for a few days, after we first saw this fucker, and knew he was roaming around the apartment.” Carl jabbed his finger at the baggy, wishing he could send flames from the tip, as he said ‘fucker’.

  “So, then, what’s the plan Carl?”

  Carl looked down at Derek, lips pursed in concentration, as his brain flipped through various possi
bilities, then settled on the one he felt was right.

  “Well, that depends. Can I get y’all’s help?”

  “That depends, Carl. What do you have in mind, and what’s in it for us?”

  Damn he’s a handful, Carl thought.

  “Well, my plan is to take a sledgehammer to those walls, and torch every last one of those bastards, and their young, I can find with our little makeshift flamethrowers. Jessica can stand by with a fire extinguisher, and I’ll pull the batteries on the smoke alarm. You guys want to cook some centipedes?”

  All the boys’ eyes lit up, and they nodded their heads, vigorously….except Derek. He had a sly look on his face.

  “On one condition,” he said.

  “Name it,” Carl answered.

  “We get to keep some of them, for ourselves. I saw Mr. Wong fight them against other insects, spiders, even small snakes and lizards. It was cool as hell. I’d like to make some videos and put them on YouTube. That’d be badass.” Derek smiled big, and the other boys chimed in their agreement.

  Carl shook his head, unable to understand the attraction, but willing to agree to it, for their help.

  “You got it.” Carl extended his hand to Derek, and he took it, sealing the deal with a shake and their personal honor.

  “Alright, I’ll go to the store, and buy plenty of lighters, and cans of hairspray, the ones I owe you and the ones for the job, as well as flashlights, a sledgehammer and, a good-sized fire extinguisher. Meet me at my place in two hours. I’ll play some music, loud, to drown out the hammer strikes while we work. Good to go?”

  “You got it, Mr. C,” Derek said.

  “Mr., huh?” Carl cocked an eyebrow at him.

  “You’ve earned my respect, and then some. It takes some serious balls to do something like this.”

  Derek smiled and Carl smiled back, feeling kind of cool at that moment, as he turned to head for the store.

  *****

  Carl walked into the apartment, arms loaded down with the supplies, and pushed the door closed with a foot.

  Jessica glanced up from the kitchen sink to greet him, and stopped short, scrutinizing the items he was laying down on the couch, and trying to figure what use he intended for them.

  “Ummm…honey. What’s all that for?”

  Carl looked up with a proud smile, and boyish anticipation covering his face.

  “Extermination, baby! Extermination!” he exclaimed.

  “Derek and the boys will be here soon to help us out,” he further explained.

  Jessica clearly looked confused, while simultaneously giving him a look that demanded a full explanation. Carl gave her the run-down in quick fashion, explaining everything Derek had told him, and what his plan was.

  “So your plan is to smash the walls in, and burn all the centipedes you find, and I’m going to put out the fires? That about it?”

  “You got it, hon! Exactly!” Carl snapped his fingers, and pointed both index fingers at Jessica with his thumbs cocked back, two guns ready to fire. He was obviously proud of his plan.

  “Have you lost your fucking mind?” Jessica asked him, her tone incredulous.

  Carl looked like she had slapped him square, his face twisting up, her blunt question a bitter pill of disrespect for all his hard work.

  “No,” he said bluntly. “I have not lost my fucking mind. I’m going to take care of this. Did you not hear me that we probably have tens of those monsters, if not hundreds, crawling within our walls? You just want to stand by and do nothing? You telling me you’re gonna sleep just fine tonight, knowing that those bastards are there, in our walls, and may well end up on our bed again? You’re good with that, are you?”

  Carl shut up and just stared at Jessica, with a stiff neck and eyes set like flint. He was not backing down on this one, at all.

  Jessica looked at him, as she actually considered his questions, and realized she did not want to sleep in that apartment and she was not ok with their situation.

  “Fuck,” she spat. “Alright, dammit. Let’s do it.”

  Carl smiled big, walked over, grabbed Jessica by her upper arms, squeezed her, as he planted a big kiss on her lips, and then slapped one shoulder.

  “Now you’re talking, sidekick. Let’s kick this pig.”

  Jessica was ready to say something about the ‘sidekick’ remark, but the doorbell rang, just then, right on time.

  *****

  Nine Inch Nails played loudly in the background as Derek, Ricky and Rodney got their makeshift flamethrowers ready, and flanked Carl, giving wide berth for him to freely swing the hammer, and take out portions of the wall. Another of the boys, Danny, was in charge of the flashlight, and knelt down shining it where Carl said he was first going to make a hole. His initial target was the wall directly against the water heater. If they were going to find something, the best bet was there. It also seemed likely, to him, that the greatest concentration of the critters would be there, as well. It was definitely warm and dark.

  It took about four swings to open up a decent hole to see inside. Danny shined the bright light in there, and nearly cried out, as he reflexively shrunk away from what he saw.

  “What is it?” Carl asked, and took the flashlight to look for himself.

  “A n..n..nest, I think,” Danny stuttered out.

  Carl knelt, and lowered his head to get a good look, gloved hands supporting his upper body. Even knowing what Danny thought, the sight of them still gave him a chill. They were all over the plywood floor, around the water heater, which appeared to be rotten, to a large degree. Carl could make out individual ones, uncurling and beginning to move around, due to the light and vibrations, while several giant centipede mothers curled more tightly around the masses of eggs they held between their many legs. But it was the few he spotted that had a mass of tiny newborn centipedes clutched within their circled bodies that got Carl. A shiver ran up his spine, and caused his whole head and shoulders to shake briefly, as if trying to throw off some instinctive, primal fear of such things.

  “Fuck me,” Carl mumbled, and mentally told himself to cowboy-up, and not let his fears control him. “Alright. I’m gonna have to make a lot bigger hole for us to get to them without setting the whole place on fire. Be ready to stomp anything that comes out, while I’m clearing the plaster away.”

  The boys nodded in understanding. Danny looked a little nervous, as Carl handed him the flashlight back.

  Carl swung the hammer, over and over, in a quick secession of strikes, breaking the dry wall and pulling it out of the way. Three of the giant centipedes came crawling out, startling Carl, causing him to jump back, briefly, which caused the boys to flinch away and yelp, as well. Carl lunged forward again without hesitation, though, swinging the sledgehammer down on one of the giant centipedes and smashing it right in the middle of its body. Derek and the boys trapped the other two with some of Jess’s Tupperware to take in payment as their pets, while Danny shined the light on the hole, to see if anymore were coming.

  Carl pulled the final piece of wall back, holding onto it, clearly exposing a good 4’x4’ hole for the boys to work with.

  “Oh, Fuck!” Danny exclaimed and pointed at Carl.

  Carl had about enough time to say “huh” and, start to look around, before the giant centipede cleared his glove, and crawled up onto his forearm, clawed legs gripping his flesh. He flailed his arm hysterically, almost knocking Jess and the boys in the head, as he spun in circles, screaming ‘fuck’ over and over again. Then the centipede bit down on the crook of his elbow, and Carl just screamed period, pausing to see it covering the length of his forearm, the very rear legs locked onto the glove, as well.

  His free hand cycled up and down rapidly, slapping at the creature in an unsophisticated flurry while shrieking like a baboon under attack. It had absolutely no affect. The giant centipede did not let go, but hung on with the poisonous mandibles, while its powerful jaws gnawed through Carl’s flesh with a single-minded purpose. Carl’s arm burned horribl
y from the venom, as well as from his flesh being sheared through, repeatedly.

  “Pull it off, Mr. C!” Derek yelled. “Pull it off!”

  Carl managed to hear and process Derek’s words in the midst of his primitive panic, and finally gripped the body of the centipede like a vise, as close to the head as possible, then ripped back, pulling it off of his arm, though some of his flesh came along with it. Carl squeezed as tightly as he possibly could, trying to crush the monstrous bastard, but he could not overwhelm its exoskeleton.

  “Spray him down, Derek, along with my glove!”

  Derek gave Carl a look that said ‘Are you sure?’, and Carl immediately nodded. Derek hosed the centipede and the glove, thoroughly, as it thrashed about.

  “Light it,” said Carl.

  “You got it, Mr. C,” Derek responded, and flicked the lighter, sparking the flame that set Carl’s whole hand on fire, along with the centipede.

  Carl held his clenched fist up, for as long as he could, watching the flame-engulfed centipede crackle, before the hair spray burned off, and the glove, itself, began to catch on fire. He threw his assailant to the floor, and stomped it a couple of times, then shook the glove off, and stomped it too, putting out the flames.

  Carl stumbled over and collapsed on the recliner, a combination of curses, shouts and painful groans composing a repeating cycle of noises that erupted from his mouth for some time. It was excruciating agony. He had read about it. The venom wasn’t poisonous, but it could put a grown man on his ass, crying like a wimpy little bitch for a few hours.

  Carl didn’t have time for that, though. He didn’t have time for anything, except killing these sons of bitches.

  “Are you ok, honey?” Jessica asked, concerned for him.

  “Do I fucking look alright?!?” he shouted. “It fucking hurts like thirty hells! Motherfucker!!”

  Carl’s temper had climbed to a new peak. It wasn’t directed at Jessica or any of the boys. It was aimed squarely at the centipedes and his piece-of-shit landlord, who wouldn’t get an exterminator. It was his fault Carl was in pain. Of that, Carl was absolutely sure. Still, Jessica didn’t appear to feel the difference, as her face showed the pain Carl’s words had inflicted, and she backed away from him.